10.29.07
News - Tumour diary: Getting to know junior
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BBC News Online science and technology writer Ivan Noble was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumour in August 2002.
Since then he has been sharing his experiences in an online diary.
Our son is three weeks old now.
Getting to know him has been a joy and I love the quizzical look he has when he opens his eyes.
But the time has been especially happy because for once I have not been fretting about milestones I want to achieve.
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 Wanting to see him safely born has been such a strain and a worry for me.
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It would be easy to let myself lapse and begin to create some more.
I could think about how much I want to see his first smile, his first crawl, his first steps and hear his first words.
But where would that end? With his first day at school? His first day at work? His first child?
Wanting to see him safely born has been such a strain and a worry for me.
I really thought that the odds were against me being there at his birth and I was of course worried too about what might happen to him.
Now he is fit and well and so, apparently, am I for a while, I am simply enjoying life with him and the rest of the family.
Things will not carry on like that for ever, of course.
More treatment
The day these words appear, I will be having my blood test, picking up my chemo drugs and seeing my oncologist about starting what I think is now my fifth cycle of my current round of drug treatment.
Things seem to be going well.
I have finally managed to wean myself off the steroids I take to control the tumour swelling and stave off headaches.
This is great because it takes a burden off my immune system and lets me try to shift some of the weight I have put on as a result of the huge appetite the pills gave me.
But I know that my oncologist is going to want to give me a brain scan before long.
Brain scans, and specifically the bit where you get the results, scare me.
I hate them and I hate knowing they are coming.
I would much rather have them unannounced and get the results straight afterwards.
But that is not the way the world works, of course.
Of all the scans I have had, only one has ever been good news - the time when I had my remission confirmed.
I have not had one since March.
Now what is likely to happen is that another milestone will go into the diary and I will have to wait for the day to come.
The scan itself is not unpleasant apart from the injection half way through (a contrast agent to make the tumour more visible).
But the results need writing up by a specialist and sending on to my doctor, which usually takes two days and leaves plenty of time for nerves to fray.
I should stop thinking about it now and go see to my son’s nappy instead.
Send your comments to Ivan on the form below:
Hi Ivan. I have been following your story with admiration for your positive attitude at a time of great difficulty. I am a doctor in London and work with cancer patients every week. We only see a glimpse of their lives and I always try to keep their hopes alive for the future. In my experience, patients who can keep an overall healthier outlook do seem to have better outcomes. Your diary has given me more insight into the lives, thoughts and fears of patients and hope that your writings will make me a better doctor to support them in their hour of need. Thank you and enjoy your new son.
Amit, London
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Your column serves as a memory jogger for me of what is important in life
Dawn, UK
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Dear Ivan, I always enjoy reading your column. I had breast cancer 8 years ago and promised myself at the time I wouldn’t let the irrelevant stuff bother me in the future. Inevitably with the passing of time it does creep up on you, but your column serves as a memory jogger for me of what is important in life, for which I thank you. Congratulations on the arrival of your new son - what wonderful news. Keep positive - I have no doubt the scan will bring more good news for you. Thank you.
Dawn, UK
Congratulations to you and your family on the new arrival. I like other many other faceless people am continued to be inspired by your journey in fighting this monster. Continue to make the most of every moment and never give up hope. Many many people are praying and hoping for your swift recovery.
Nilesh, USA
I discovered your diary sometime late last year and have been following it closely ever since. I find it the way you are able to write concisely, yet communicate your emotions so well quite an personal inspiration. Writing as you do must be intensely personal experience and you are generously sharing your experiences with us Thank you! Congratulations on being a father again. May you continue to be well and may the tumour just go to hell!
From personal experience of hospitals and scans, I know exactly how it feels when dates and appointments play on one’s mind and attempt to take your focus off more important things. Try not to let your impending test stop you from enjoying life as it is right now. All you can do is continue to be positive and take each day as it comes. Best regards always.
Charlie, Ireland
Ivan, you do make me smile, one moment we get to hear of the maybe another scan and injections etc and then the next its nappy changing time! What joy that little one has brought, something for you to focus on for the here and now. I am so pleased for you and your family for the happiness that he has brought to you all. Keep at it, keep safe and keep smiling, you are truly an inspiration to all who read your diary. xx
Shiona, England
Having children very late in life I ponder on almost a daily basis about how I wish I’d had them earlier in order that (statistically anyway) I might be around longer for them. After reading your latest and as always, inspirational post, I’m just off to give myself a slap for being so pathetically self-indulgent.
Den, UK
You are such a very brave man. Keeping my fingers (and toes)crossed for you. I have a son of 14 months and know the need we feel, as a parent to be there for them, as you say to watch them grow and develop. Give you baby a big hug from me!
Helen Platt , UK
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There are many people out here thinking positive thoughts for you and your family
Kate Warrington, UK
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I have been reading this diary since the beginning and cannot tell you what a source of inspiration they have been. The way you continue to face what we all hope we never experience touches me each time that we get an update. There are many people out here thinking positive thoughts for you and your family.
Kate Warrington, UK
Today is the first time that I have stumbled across your diary and I am amazed and inspired by your honesty and courage. I wish you all of the good luck and best wishes in the world for the future.
Lara Feracutti, Italy
Every time I see your letters of how you are getting on, on this site, I thank God, I don’t know if you believe or not and it’s none of my business, I do of course, and it makes me really happy to see you achieve your milestones and I hope you achieve many, many more I still have hope that you will make a full recovery because I’ve prayed for you many times. God bless you and your family mate.
Julian Sharp, England
Ivan, I have only just discovered your diary and have spent the last two hours absorbed by it, reading every single entry starting from the first. I know that it has been said numerous times before, but you really are an inspiration. I will now continue to follow this diary regularly and I hope you will be able to continue writing for a long time to come. Congratulations on the birth of your son, I am sure that the whole family must feel extremely happy at this wonderful time.
Anna, England
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Your positive attitude gives a big boost to mine
Nandini Sengupta, UK
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Hello Ivan, congratulations to you and your family on the birth of your son. Your column is very inspiring to me, especially now when I’m battling breast cancer for the fourth time! Your positive attitude gives a big boost to mine. I can empathise well with your thoughts about scans having to go through scans myself! Do keep up with your positive attitude, look forward to your next column. All the best.
Nandini Sengupta, UK
I follow your column with great interest Ivan, and admire your tenacity. My young friend Kate had her op to remove her tumour yesterday and after 6 hours woke up last evening with a powerful headache. The op went through after 6 weeks delay and now she will spend a couple of days in high dependency. All being well Kate will be allowed home in a couple of weeks. It remains to be seen just how successful things are for her. God be with you both.
Anne M, England
Thank you for your inspiring articles. I know you won’t admit to being inspiring, but you are. When I leave the office tonight I’m going to cook my four year old son his favourite meal, build a Lego rocket with him and make the most of our lives together. Be well Ivan, and thank you - from both of us.
Cliff, UK
On a day when amid the usual office chaos the major drama today has been “who are all these people” and “OK then, who didn’t book a meeting’s room”, you provide me with much-needed inspiration! Other people’s experiences have a marvellous way of putting things into perspective, if only for today….. God bless you and yours, all the best for the future and enjoy each and every day with your precious new son, they’re not babies for long! Much love xxx
Janet, UK
Hello Ivan, Like yourself I’m currently living with cancer and scaring myself in the run-up to my next scan. I just wanted to say that through all the ghastly bits of treatment and the times of panic, I found that my own little boy, who has just turned one year old, got me through all of this. So, congratulations on the arrival of your own new son and I hope that you both do very well indeed.
Clive Case, UK
I suffer from depression and don’t follow your column on a day to day basis as it is just to sad for me to handle. On the days I do read it I’m always left with the feeling that your column is the most important thing BBC has going for it . It contains simple wisdoms that only a man in a terrible situation really understands. All I can really saw is thank you for spending your time teaching us and wish that things turn out as well for you as they can. You are an inspiration to me as I watch you deal with real physical problems while I am only having problems dealing with the fact that my mind is simply lying to me about how bad things are. Once again thank you.
Mike Potter, Canada
Ivan how wonderful for you that not only have you witnessed the birth of your son, but that you are enjoying his first weeks in the big wide world! Having read your diary from the beginning I am so happy for you and your family. Stay positive now, because as you said yourself, you once didn’t think these days would come, and yet you have achieved so much! Keep strong and stay positive - you are amazing!
Gayle, UK
Every day in the morning, and last thing before I leave work I check to see if you have posted up any new messages. Reading the comments back is also as moving and important as your message to the world. You’re an inspiration to many people, and I personally am grateful to be able to share this with you. I am so pleased that your son is doing so well. Keep lots of photos etc. They grow so fast. Easier said then done, but try not to worry about brain scans. All the best.
David Kalman, Surrey, UK
Congratulations on the birth of your son. I pray that you get many years together.
Sue, USA
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Your column continues to inspire
Martin, UK
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Your column continues to inspire. It’s rare that we are put in touch with the reality that our lives are temporary, and that the best way to live is a day at a time. This is the fundamental reality, but we all still want to see life expectancy as a right, which, of course it is not. Thanks to your openness and honesty, I feel that we can now grasp this reality rather better, and try to live as we should, even if this may only be a short-term epiphany. Bless you, and enjoy your precious time with your new son.
Martin, UK
Lovely having a new baby and nappies to change. Hope you can stay in good spirits and as positive as always. Love to all of you. Look forward to hearing of your progress
Hilde Nixon, UK
My wife is having 3 monthly scans at present and though I could convincingly argue that both chemo and surgery can be made to conform to some form of normality, I share your unease about both the lead up to, the day itself, and having to deal with the aftermath. You are right, having the scans unannounced would be a good idea, though I feel that you could probably hear the machine rattling down the street after you and it would give the game away somewhat. Take care
Mark, UK
Dear Ivan It is so good to have an update from you and to also read that you are doing well. I am so pleased that you are enjoying time with your new son - how wonderful! Take care and enjoy each day as it comes. I wish you all the very best and look forward to your next update. With best wishes.
Shan Jones, UK
I’ve been reading your blog for many many months now - there are many things I believe one could say but the only things that comes to mind are; keep the faith and keep going
Spencer, UK
Dear Ivan, Once again I find myself astonished by your bravery in the face of your illness. I recently had a breast cancer scare and cannot begin to express my relief when I was told that I was fine. I can only imagine how I would have coped if I had been given the results I dreaded. I only hope I could have behaved with your maturity and courage although, somehow, I doubt it! Good luck to you-don’t give up.
Sarah Bathie, UK
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Your struggles put all the rest of our lives in perspective too
Dave, UK
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Well Ivan, your life seems constantly full of joys and sorrows. The joy of a new son and the sorrows surrounding your treatment. Yet you seem to approach everything which such perspective. Keep staying well and focusing on the positive. Your struggles put all the rest of our lives in perspective too. Be strong mate and thanks for sharing the way that you do.
Dave, UK
Have fun with your new baby, there is nothing better than those first few weeks of everyone getting to know each other, the most concentrated time of happiness there is. Enjoy
Dave Battcock, UK
Dear Ivan I’ve been wondering how you are and am so glad your new son is giving you such happiness. What you have been through cannot be imagined by most of us and your diaries chart your remarkable spirit. You have a huge community of well wishers cheering you on and hoping and praying your scan will be clear. All my good wishes to you and your family.
Vivien Trevorrow, Winchester, UK
Dear Ivan, Congratulations to you and your family on the safe arrival of your son. I have been following your diary for a long time now and am so glad to learn your fantastic news. I shall raise a glass of fizzy to you all later tonight! With best wishes.
Esther Nicholson, UK
Am delighted to hear your son is doing so well and have got everything crossed for you that the news is good after the scan.
Jennifer, England
Great to have your news, Ivan. Lovely that you’ve met your son at last. It must be incredibly hard having to ‘play the waiting game’ with scans and results. Keep fighting-you’re a star.
Rachel, UK
Ivan, I always read your dairies with hope and anticipation. Your experiences remind us not to worry about the small things in life, most of which we have the power to change anyway. I want to send you my congratulations on the arrival of your baby son. Take care.
Michelle, London, UK
Each day is a mini-lifetime in itself. We would all do better to learn to live them as that. Enjoy.
Katy, Brighton
Dear Ivan, it’s delightful to read of you enjoying getting to know your new son and being with the family. I was successfully treated for Hodgkin’s Disease in the mid 1990’s and have since expanded the family with another two wee ones. It’s been a real pleasure to experience them (as well as their older siblings) growing up and I do hope that you continue to have the same opportunity. Very best wishes.
John McDermott, Scotland
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You are giving me an outlook to life that I had never imagined I would have
Julie, Uganda
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Ivan, Wishing you well as you go through the much needed treatment. Your strength and positive attitude is such an inspiration. You are giving me an outlook to life that I had never imagined I would have. A bit of curiosity. What is your little son’s name?
Julie, Uganda
When I read your diary it places all my issues and problems in perspective. Crazy as it may read, but I gain strength from reading your words. I continue to wish you and your family all the best. Don’t let this grind you down, know that you do inspire people.
Chris, Boston, USA
Dear Ivan - I follow your column religiously! It constantly reminds me how precious life is and I so admire you and your family’s efforts at maintaining normal, happy, loving relationships in the face of such enormous odds. I am sooo pleased you decided to go for it and have another child and even more pleased that you are there for him. I’m sure he will grow to be very proud of his Daddy, and his Mum too for what you have given to thousands in this diary. Thank you.
Niamh Fitzgerald, Scotland
Hi Ivan, I was so pleased to see that you had written again and am even more thrilled for you that your new baby son is happy and well, and that you are enjoying his new life with him. As always, I wish you all the best for the future, specifically with the next scan, whenever that may be. In the meantime, stay happy and live each day to the full. Much Love xxx
C. Husband, UK
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