12.01.07

News - The Magazine Monitor

Posted in Dating advices, Dating tips at 4:33 am by zaira

Manilow recovering after hip op: just for a moment there I thought Barry had deserted his middle of the road roots and regretted it.

Cat, London, UK

If I started a petition for a “none of the above” choice on the Caption Competition vote, would anyone be with me?
Lindsay, Glasgow

Wow! This week’s caption competition entries actually were quite good. It was novel having to decide between several good entries for a change. Could we have a button to vote for more than one answer?
Lester Mak, London

Re Paper Monitor’s reference to Mark Almond, if it could have been THAT M Almond, he would have been Marc, not Mark. Unless there’s another famous Mark Almond who I’m not aware of, obviously.
Silas, London, UK

Regarding the government’s proposals to chip our bins. I don’t know if this crossed anyone else’s mind but if households are going to be charged by weight for rubbish collection how are they going to stop unscrupulous neighbours from putting their rubbish in other peoples bins to avoid paying?
Chris, London

Whatever the rights and wrongs of hold baggage charges, does Toby Nicholl really think that “an explosion in the amount of baggage put in holds” is the best choice of words?
Simon Robinson, Birmingham, UK

Two articles caught my eye today - “Semen ‘may fuel cervical cancer’” and “Cameron calls for emissions law”. Typical of today’s online dating advices stories: no sooner does a problem arise than they want to legislate on it.
Wen, Horsham

I hate to blow Adrian’s theory of Paper Monitor’s gender out the window (Thursday letters). He reckons a woman because of the reference to perms and ruffles for a Christmas party outfit. I have two words for him. Russell. Brand.

Isabella, Sheffield

Could the Magazine Monitor enlighten me on a question that’s been bothering me? What is the plural of Daddy Long Legs? Our house was invaded by a plague of them and I’m not sure whether to refer to them as ‘Daddy long legses’, ‘Daddies long legs’ or just ‘Daddy long legs’. They seem reluctant to leave the house till I get my grammar right.
Rob, Letterkenny, Ireland

Re “That icon of effortless good looks, Victoria Beckham.”. One for the flexicon there I think. An obvious example of a foxymoron.
Kip, Norwich UK

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It’s time to cast your vote for the winning caption.

This week personals online dating advices Gyles Brandreth poses with the original Fozzie Bear given to him by Muppets’ creator Jim Henson. It is among bears from the world’s oldest Teddy Bear Museum that are due to be sold at Christies. But what’s being said?

1.David, Edinburgh
Judge presents legal council team.

2. Tony Holden
The passage of time had not been kind to Miss Piggy.

3. Pix6, Vienna, Austria
The reason why Goldilocks is still in therapy.

CAP COMP VOTE
Choose your favourite caption
1. David, Edinburgh
2. Tony Holden
3. Pix6, Vienna
4. David Dee
5. Helene Parry
6. Hal Coyle

4. David Dee, Maputo Mozambique
“Cash in the Attic - mixed lot - do I hear 50p?”

5. Helene Parry, South Wales expat to Brentford Lock
The security dog was spoilt for choice.

6. Hal Coyle, Cambridge, MA, US
Before and After patient photos from Dr Marvelo’s Safe dating tip Clinic (results not typical).

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‘Mobile phone theft drive launched’ as today’s most confusing headline?
Craig MacKenzie, Glasgow

I would either like to live for ever or have a letter published by Magazine Monitor - whichever comes first….
Wen, Horsham, England

In Thursday’s mini-quiz. about the number of Morris Marinas still on the road, I was rather disappointed by the absence of “Too Many” as an option. I suppose it would have been the clear winner.
Andrew Collyer, Rainham, Kent

Re:
Royal Academy of Arts fire. The BBC report quotes an eyewitness saying she saw smoke and there was a strong smell of burning in the air. Where would we be without these insights?
Jim Ringer, Norwich, England

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nearly on fire. If you click on the news item, then on the RA link, their front page shows a photo of a woman with a lighted match between her lips. The picture is entitled Pyromaniac 2, by Josephine Meckseper. Hmmm… perhaps it was a piece of installation art that went horribly wrong.

Nicola Turton, Old Basing, England

I was a bit puzzled to read about a suspect who was “remanded in custody in his absence”. Does anyone know how that works? Presumably it could do a lot to ease prison over-crowding.
David Dee, Maputo Mozambique

To Adrian, faced with expensive water (Tuesday letters). Did you buy it? That’s how it works.
Phil, Cambridge, England

Adrian, this is how it works. Crude oil is drilled for in hostile conditions in the North Sea. It is piped ashore, refined and taken to petrol stations. The Government then nearly trebles the price with duty and VAT so it ends up costing 95p a litre. Water comes out of the ground. It is bottled and goes to the shops. It is sold (inc VAT) at 1.20 a half-litre. This is what’s known technically as a “con”. Refill empty 250ml bottles with tap-water and carry one with you. End of con.
Ken, Hornchurch

Re new mnemonic for the planets. Just change the mnemonic to Many Vindictive Earthlings Minister Judgement - Segregating Unwelcome New Plutons (or Plutoids or whatever!)
Alexander Lewis Jones, Nottingham, UK

Re Punorama I am sulking that my pun “Griddley Scot” failed to get a mention in your honours list. It had all the rightingredients (no pun intended). By way of explanation - griddle (on which pancakes are cooked). The guy was a Scot (can we presume if he was at Aberdeen Uni). He made a film (like the famous director Ridley Scott). Get the idea? Ach well there’s always next week.
B Gunn, Muscat, Oman
Monitor note: The judges’ decision is final.

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“Trouser secrets” of the Saxons, only to be cruelly disappointed by talk of a belt… humph.
Elizabeth, London

Kathleen Wells has given us a new mnemonic to help remember the planets. Unfortunately, she has included Pluto, thus rendering her mnemonic rather useless.
Kate , Salisbury

Supertrunker’s question about Pluto’s being relegated from planet status is a valid point. Did the horoscope writers see the demotion of Pluto coming?
Anon, Brizzle

Whilst postman Roger Annies has undoubtedly done people on his round a great favour (Junk-mail tip postman faces sack), it’s still somewhat ironic that he had to drop an unsolicited leaflet through their doors.
Nick Jones, Dorking, UK

Travelling in to work today I went to buy a bottle of water. I was shocked to find it costs 1.20 for 500ml. This is 2.40 per litre, making it very nearly three times the price of petrol. How does that work?

Adrian, London, UK

In the article showing before and after weight loss pictures, how do you know that they are in the right order and that these aren’t pictures of people that have put on a lot of weight?
Cassandra, Oslo, Norway

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Friday’s letters the French actress Miou-Miou is pronounced “mew-mew”. I don’t know if that’s of any help to Alex though.
Liz F, Nyons, France

Can I now expect my horoscope to mention the influence of UB313 following the demotion of
Pluto?
Supertrunker, Houston

In answer to the request for a new mnemonic to remember the planets in Friday’s letters. Many Vindictive Earthlings Minister Judgement - Segregating Unwelcome New Planets
Kathleen Wells, New Brunswick, Canada

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